By: “Charlie Will”

Americans are bombarded by sexual stimuli all the time. I mean they show male enhancement commercials at 12 in the afternoon. What they hell? What happened to the days when these types of naughty commercials and sex-line advertisements were in the dark shroud of midnight?

I’m not surprised though. America is trying to bring influences from other countries to better themselves. We make Japanese game shows stupid, Japanese horror movies whack, and European sex ads….boring. These ENZYTE commercials feature a dry ass white guy surrounded by flabby Stepford wives in cookie cutter middle-America. Is this supposed to convince men to get penis pills? In Europe, these ads have hot women washing sports cars, wrestling in JELL-O, or dressed up as school girls. Seeing images like that and not being able to get aroused physically would make men shove out all types of greenback.

These toned down American versions explain why Americans have such suck ass sex lives. Why do you think these Republican men risk all they have worked for to explore separate secret sex lives? Look at their wives! Look at their lives! Why wouldn’t they. America has this forced image of a monogamous man and woman doing it missionary in a modest home with a crucified Jesus hanging over their bed. I’m bored just writing it.

Its time for Americans to explore their sexual prowess. In Amsterdam you can have sex in the Vondelpark (, smoke marijuana which heightens your libido and stamina, and there are sex clubs where you can live out fantasies. I’ll write about the Netherlands on a separate occasion because they also practice euthanasia for the sick, elderly, and handicapped, were the first European country to legalize gay marriage, and have government subsidized abortion up to about 2-3 months. The Dutch just really want everyone to be happy!

Back to the topic, we as Americans need a release. We need to explore what we like, what we don’t like, and everything in between. Yes there are things you might try that you’ll never want to try again, but that’s what we call exploration! Isn’t that what our fore fathers did? Travel un-chartered terrain and such? Sure it was tough and they encountered a lot of obstacles, but the rewards were immeasurable. The same applies to your sexuality; the reward of trying new things is priceless once you find your niche.

How do you go about doing this Charlie? ‘Tis quite simple to start once you’re open to it. You network. Have a dinner party with close friends and ask them each to bring another close friend. Once, the hosting level has reached the “comfortable dial” you bring up the topic of sexuality and sexual exploration. Trust me, if you have a few alpha males and dominating women in the mix among a few freaks and soft-spoken characters, the conversation will take off without effort. Once the topics branch out, you interject your personal need like “I like to dominate and take full control” or “Yeah I’ve always wanted to see what it was like with 2 girls” you’ll spark the attention of that person who feels the same. This person is your Newton and you are Gottfried. You both think of ideas independently then bring them together to form something ingenious. Eventually you will find a person who has all the answers, all the knowledge, and will help you get to where you want to be. Let’s call this person Galileo.

Don’t be put off by my “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” vocabulary names that you’ve forgotten over the years. Go wikipedia it.

Point being is that you can’t be afraid to explore your options. I’ve talked to a lot of older people who are trying to renew their life. Trust them when they say “It’s hard to step outside of your comfort zone when you’ve been there for half a century. Plus people aren’t very willing to try new things with you when you get that old.” That’s the truth. You may find a nice hot piece of meat willing to try some bondage or nude modeling thing now, but once you both start pruning up, it’s very unlikely to happen.

So take my advice. Step out of the box. Watch some porn. Seriously you guys watch some porn. All types of porn. See what sparks your interest. I’m not telling anyone to go out and screw everyone. I’m suggesting that you and your Newton practice safe sex and start out on a Christopher Columbus blind exploration.

Have fun everyone, and leave your comments!

Charlie Will<–][–> Charlie does.


7 Responses

  1. Hey Charlie, I love all the historical references you made in this one. I totally agree with you that america likes to take stuff from other countries and ruin it.. blah i gotta go now.. bye

    btw i fully expect to explore that part of me later but i still believe in sex after marriage .. hmm..?

  2. I completely agree with this. America likes to take ideas from other countries and water it down. No guy buys pills to get followed around by 40 year old housewives. This is why I love other countries so much, especially Amsterdam and Japan. Things that are illegal here are of course legal over there. And we wonder why our economy sucks, take advantage of what people are already doing, like marijuana and prostitution [Im not saying these things are right, but they happen in everyday life, the government spends more money and time trying to stop these things that could be put toward better use].

  3. Well I know this to be true myself… Even the Virgin Islands are the same but is there anything to do about it when Americans live in the ratrace& never make time for self fun/exploration???

  4. Funny funnyyy. However, I fail to understand why Americans love to torture themselves sexually. We’re supposed to be this nation of self-imposed high morals when the #1 song on the Billboard charts has a 21-year old Rihanna singing basically “hey guy, is your dick hard and big? If so, come pull my hair and let me ride it.” I dunno where this image of chaste, Christian America exists exactly??? With the exception of country music and the bastion of sacred white-womanhood that is Taylor Swift’s untouched virgin vagina, this image is not in any type of popular or mainstream culture anymore. It seems to exist by choice only in the tortured minds of conservatives. Even Disney star Miley Cyrus was living with her 20 year old boyfriend at age 17 and performing at the KIDS CHOICE AWARDS on top of an ice-cream truck with a STRIPPER POLE ON TOP OF IT. People choose to live these repressed psuedo-“respectable” lives and i think its their choice to enjoy the self-induced emotional turmoil that comes with it !

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